7-23-2012 Red Eyed…..

…..I had to see Doc. Feeling low, tired, anxious, nervous, unsteady, uneasy, unsteady, unable to complete a thought or a sentence. This wasn’t only this morning it was Saturday also only worse. I shied away from driving, power tools, machinery, and tractors. Long about 2:00 PM everyday I’ve laid down and slept the afternoon’s and night’s thought to around 7:00 AM each new day. Unable to take much more my having to see Doc, Doc seeing me, he commented, “Your eyes look terrible.“ I told him, “You should see them from my side!” He had his Attila The Hun tech run me through her ordinary everyday mill; as she usually does, the old crank again blamed me for her having to work so hard: BP, EKG, blood draws, and a specimen I couldn’t fulfill. The ordinary routine checking my meds, dumb assed questions, my being accused as uncooperative. The x-ray skipped this time I was subjected to a long list of sicktricktic questions, “What you feeling? Unhappy?, Confused? Suicidal?” plus some badgered if my answers were slow coming! “No!” I told her I wasn’t suicidal!!! But was feeling as if I didn’t care whether I lived any longer….. When I as an individual am feeling as I am I could care less if she went out and kissed a moving semi-truck’s headlight! Plus another blood draw! So much blood drawn I was beginning to wonder if I’d have enough left to get back home on? By’n’by Doc got into my medicine box. I had brought it with me. Recently seeing all the Doctors I’d seen in recent months, weeks, and days; Doc counted three blood thinners and two heart nitrate stimulators. Doc appalled took away enough medications, my medicine box was near close to only half full for my return trip home. I should be feeling better in another three to four days, should I survive. It ticks me off every physician who sees me insists I must take his or her’s prescription in addition to whatever I’m already taking. Ain’t they thinking? They kill off this goosed individual it’ll lessen the reaping their gold coin form of my shelling out golden years? Tired, home, and ready for another lay me down to sleep…... Fernan