I can’t decide

I can’t decide whether my life is turning into either an up 'r down hill struggle in my current pursuit of gracefully aging living my life style. I woke up to Uma Thurman playing a mom in a Movie TV broadcast "Motherhood." I presently can’t makeup my mind whether she’s influencing me the right or wrong way the manner in which I set my everyday’s boring life’s adventure’s in word’s written to paper (computer, blogg, etc; take your choice) for family discovery after my passing. Her role almost had me missing living a city neighborhood high-rise surrounded with people living under-over me, either side of me, or across the hall, anyone of them peeking in my open door for the simplicity of seeing inside my home’s internal physical mess. If it weren’t for my physical aging, mounting mental issues I’d have no excuses for the way my life style is either falling apart or piling up around me. Examples: I need to scrub floors around here, the wife aging faster than me, I dread the thought of getting down to the floor’s level one time which’ll be near impossible for I’ve things to move out of the way, to work around, pickup, and no place to put this trash. Witch reminds me today’s my trash day, my having to gift wrap it or the thoughtless trash buzzards lusting after and take my assumed my eight dollar trash tubs for through-aways. Argh! None of the city crowding about me I’m still feeling trapped; for examples it’s been up hill both ways between me and everywhere I need to go this last snowed cold week. Engines refusing as well as taking turns at it to force me to re-channel my efforts to get it done what it needs whether they’ll start in a timely manner or make me work around and/or out my problems. Take for instance I can’t find the paper work or program discs to get this electronic marvel properly working right again. Sitting just ahead of me, I’ve brought the big heavy-duty battery charger/booster into the house out of the cold hopefully saving it against last week’s cold and my dragging the so called making a farmer’s life easier country device. I dread taking it alone back down to the barn’s storage sheltering for I had moved or removed snow everywhere so it had seemed, only I had missed that which had drifted over knee deep right in front of the service door. Take for instance I need to gather up what only seems to be a mountainous pile of used hay bale plastic. Lawd, help me I got to get some of this done today. Shovel only for a few minutes what seemed like it took me a week to move only three days last week’s snow. Get this HD BC/B out of the way back down to the barn. Dig out of the snow all that trash wrap today and gift wrap it for trash day.
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Oh crap, it’s pill taking time. I need a fresh tea to wash the assorted sorted rattlers down. Tea, marvelous stuff on of my more recently found discovered pleasures in life. Lawd, give me strength to enjoy another day’s entirety. Yeah, I know I perhaps made a couple flaky decisions to build a quadrabike, rebuild or rather resurrect another Cushman, buy a dump truck nobody around here sees the value in having to make my life easier. Here I o off on another tangent if I don’t cut it off right now. Bye! For a few hours.
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Okay, I’m back for a few. The fire had gotten so low I had let it die this morning. The stove was getting there needing a good ash cleaning, so! Flipping the lights on, looking I see we’d gotten a refreshing two inches on new snow. I like new (light two inches) snow everyday keeping the trees dressed, the fields fresh, my summer junk covered and forgotten. Oh darn, I’ve got to go get me an empty ash bucket. Hmm, what to do? I’m not really ready to get dressed just yet. The push broom handy I shoved me a path through the deck’s snow to where I thought I had not only parked but also covered them with a tub. Then bare footing it right out on the deck I approached my tub, carefully tilted the eight inch piled high snow cover off, there they were, two empty ash buckets. Minutes later I had the ashes bucketed, the bucket warm, I set it upon the stove to radiate the warmth of its contents while I laid a new fire. Mailbox contributed trash paper fixings some pieces of wood cribbed upon the bared bricks, a dash of crankcase oil, and a match, walla I got me a new fire. Finishing the cold leftover tea I had made for myself last night I reseated myself right here. It ain’t daylight yet. All the time I was patty footing it over the ice and snow I remembered my beloved and heartily missed mother-in-law. Visiting us one West Michigan shore Winter day, she had remarked to her daughter (my wife), “I don’t ever want to here from you your children are or have grown up crazy after what I have just witnessed!” I had no idea what she was talking about as I was only hearing the last of her remark my returning to the house. I had worn only but denim cut-offs, run bare footed out to the mailbox and back through eight inches fresh snow. Seemed the usual for me, while in my mind the poor old dear had to have been slipping off HER rocker.
She been gone for some time and the only man Frieda has told me she’d never seen decked for my having put my hand on her knee. I’ve never quite understood that remark for whenever the time I was next to her mother enjoying her company she’d had always put her hand right on top of mine. What was so odd about that? I had never squeezed her mother’s knee like I had Herr Clink’s own. (smiles)(grins) Life was good even back then.
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Frieda’s up and roaming around and I might just as well set this aside while I’ve found an available parking space. Unlike the city, I’ve more room to park in the country. (haha)
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Had Hell of a good day finally walking in at 6:00 PM on the dot. Out of house at 9:00AM. It’s winter, I’m allowed. Spent time in shop cleaning a bike part, the shop moved my Cushman to make more room for a couple other projects we’ll likely fight over which on will be addressed first. Oh, just love some family fun now and then. (hehehe)
Hand dug up an electric fence buried in a snow drift. Took care most of an accumulated bale wrap stuffing a half a wood hauler load out for road side trash pick up tomorrow. This move required moving to good use the WD45 so’s I could get back to my last two cord firewood. Looks like I may have to some cutting before this heat season’s over. That’s alright, I like firewood at my own pace. I got myself plenty to do tomorrow. Need to re-supply our shelled corn before a forecasted weekend thaw. I’d rather drive on dry snow tomorrow rather than on water laddened ice later in the week.
A bit of bad news this evening, ex-son-in-law was found dead in his home last night. Only 57 yrs old he’d been a good man up until just recently. A diabetic he refused to take care of himself. Having lost both limbs to his illness he’s no longer hurting physically, mentally, or emotionally. The man has found peace or peace has over come him. I’ll continue to miss him, his having turned his back on me and my family some time ago.
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Having to make unavailable steering parts for the quadra-bike I was surprised I had found the steering geometry methods and instructions on the E-net as easily as I had today.
Between moving snow, BS over the neighbor’s fence, so to speak, went shopping for about five item and came home with a shopping cart full. It’s been a long time since I had run into the sales I had hit today to bring so much home for so little. For instance $5.00 pies for $2.00 each, $7.50 pizzas for $3.00 each, $3.80 oat bread loaves at $1.00 each, and more. Milk was even on sale. No bargains on $7.60 a bucket ice-cream. Yup, all’n’all, it has been a very good day.
“Rainbows.”
Fernan